Where did my baby go?!

Coral is officially too big for her toddler bed.
The thought of her growing up practically crushes my soul.
Soon she will be in kindergarten, then dating…
Getting married… AAHHH!
Anyhow, I have been searching high and low for the perfect big girl bed for my perfect little lady.
She has a pretty small room and an obscene amount of toys.
I think I want a loft bed so that she can still have space below to play. Here is some of my favorites so far:

The mattress for this one is in the top cottage part. Fun!



from here

This manufacture lets you build the bed with all the components that you want. It starts with just a twin frame and you choose the legs, shelves, fabric and all accessories. I totally ordered the catalogue.



from here

This one has all sorts of fun stuff. I can’t have it though because it is from Europe. Boo.



from here

My search continues. Wish me luck.

Love,
Nat

Recluse

So I may have disappeared for a few days…weeks. My sweet little 95-year-old grandma died and it made me really question a lot of things.
And therefore, hide.

I will start off saying that she died peacefully
Just how she wanted it, in her sleep.
No suffering or sadness leading up to it.
My great grandpa dies when I was about 8 and I don’t know that I really understood what was going on. This grandma is my first relative to die in my adult life.
I thought I would be devastated, cry myself to sleep every night.
Instead, I feel confused and unsettled.
Not about where she went, but by what I am doing.



First area of confusion…religion.
I was raised Mormon until I was about 12.
Then nothing.
I have a sense of spirituality and when I am really scared or confused, I pray.
I feel comfortable with the idea that there is a God that protects me.
For a while, I was doubtful, but not now.
I want to believe that this is not it.
That this world is not my last chance.



Since my grandma passed, I have been looking very closely to how I spend my time.
I have been thinking a lot about what I will leave behind.
What will people remember, what will I remember?
What moments in my life will I be proud of?
I want to be sure that everything that I do is because it will make me or someone that I love happy.

I don’t want to waste a minute of my life being idle.
I don’t want to function out of habit or just being comfortable.
I wonder if I live up to my full potential or if I am wasting myself.
All of this spinning around in my head all the time is making me slightly crazy.
Just slightly.

What do you think heaven is?
What makes you feel alive?


Love,
Nat

P.S. I know I have lots of letters to write back. I will do it soon, pinky swear.